Another Response to Men's Journal

At 02:22 AM 3/21/2011, you wrote: >Daniel, > >… Please excuse me while I pour out all the >thoughts in my head at... 2 in the morning... when I should be sound >asleep, but am awake researching you, and doing some much-needed >self-analysis thanks to your story. I'm afraid this is going to be a >long email. > >I am also a bilateral retinoblastoma survivor, and lost my sight at >age 3. I am now a twenty-eight-year-old harpist, fiddler, vocalist and >acoustic designer living in Burbank and San Diego. I recently heard a >story on KPCC about you. > And here's where I have to swallow my pride >and admit I was intrigued, but had my reservations. As I went about my >work day after that story aired, a few things held me back from >learning more about you, including your accent (couldn't place it), >and your clicking and bike riding. I just thought to myself: there is >fearless, and then there's reckless... There's echo-location, >something I've always used, and then there's "I'm out to prove the >world wrong because I have a chip on my shoulder..." So much for >initial impressions. Please don't be offended, because I was about to >get my humble pie. > >I got home from singing a Bach cantata this evening, and was relaxing >with the teapot, going through email, when I stumbled upon a Men's >Journal article a retinoblastoma mom posted on facebook--it's as >though someone was nudging me in the ribs, saying "Pay attention, >woman!" I thought over my own upbringing; I have consistently looked >for ways to defy what being blind is about, while still accepting , >and enjoying my blindness. Blindness is just part of me now, like my >red hair, or my fiddle. I've found ways of working around it to get >where I've wanted to go. but maybe my last hurtle has been the stigmas >attached to blindness in my own mind. I have done everything in my >power to throw off the chains of what those stigmas mean. I have >worked hard to make myself a beautiful, talented, successful woman >with no outward signs of my blindness other than the Guide Dog at my >side. And yet, maybe you're the next step on my journey. Maybe I'm >supposed to listen and learn. I think there are a few things I've been >too scared to do, and I've just been holding myself back. > >I read the Men's Journal article, and sat there listening to the rain >for a few minutes putting my thoughts together. And here are my >conclusions: > >I, as an acoustician, know that the sounds you make stand the best >chance of resonating. So why wouldn't I wholeheartedly agree with >something practical and incredible, even though it makes a blind >person stand out? We stand out as is... and who's looking anyway? I >wear heels, snap my fingers, where chain jewelry, anything to get more >sound... why wouldn't your method be more succinct. in fact, that >scientist in me already knows it is. >Daniel 1... S 0 > >I as a vocalist, can certainly appreciate someone who can pick up the >finer points of every accent he hears and meld them into what most of >us would long to sound like when not singing. so >Daniel 2.. S, still zip > >And thirdly, I, who have always planted a combat boot in the ass of >assumptions about blind people, am sadly forced to admit that I made a >grievous error in judgment about the whole bike-riding thing. Only >question is why the hell haven't I done it sooner? >Daniel, Home run... S? Struck out. >Or rather... S, mind and ears open. > >I've spent my life out on the road for months at a time fiddling for >various bands in unfamiliar towns, on a stage behind the music so I >didn't have to hear "She's blind." You retreat to nature and I retreat >behind a violin. For me, being up on a stage, I'm just me, not blind, >not disabled... Just... me. Alone with something bigger than myself, >where I can truly remember that I'm a part of something greater. I >have spent so long going way above and beyond to prove to the whole >sighted world that I'm not blind first, I'm S first. I'm >everything else first. I've spent my life avoiding or being avoided by >other blind people because I don't think the way they do. Members of >the NFB have confronted me, demanding why I conform to the sighted >world, why I do things like dress well and dance for the benefit of >those with eyesight. Members of the sighted world ask me why I go >around snapping my fingers and wearing chain jewelry and clicking my >tongue and my shoes. You get the picture. I walk a thin line between >both worlds, both worlds viewing me as an outsider--but me comfortable >in both for the most part... Until I run into someone like you. Then I >have to step back and do some re-evaluation of my own opinions, and >admit I could aim even higher. > >I'm sure you hear this a lot, despite what I read about the NFB >scorning you--but your story is refreshing,, and very comforting. It's >nice to know another blind person (for once in my life) who lives life >on his terms and never stops to think of the disability first. > >I didn't just write to praise; I actually wrote for a reason. Do you >have a newsletter to subscribe to with upcoming events in the Southern >California area? I hike, rock climb, downhill ski and snowboard, >Highland dance, ice skate, sail and horseback ride, but as of yet have >not mastered the balance required to bike ride. It's next on my list. >:-d > >After giving myself and my quick opinions a thorough dressing down, >and researching your organization, I give you my whole-hearted thanks, >and support. You are doing a fabulous thing for the blind community, >despite what it might think. If ever I can do anything to help, from >volunteering at events to just bringing you hard working gentlemen a >Vegan meal or a helping hand with fundraising planning, please count >me in. I'd love to do all I can to spread your message and help the >world learn how cool being blind can really be. > >Namaste. Sat Nam to your vision! > >-S >Date: Mon, 21 Mar 2011 >To: S >From: Daniel Kish >Subject: Re: Finally, someone who sees the way I do! Thank you, Daniel. > >Hi, > >Thank you wholeheartedly for your honest appraisal and supportive words. > >I am very inspired by what you have said, and >also by what you do. In many ways, you lead the >life I longed for. I had keen aspirations to be >a musician, and I am a trained vocalist with, if >I dare say so, a really promising singing voice. >I say that being my hardest critic, and it took >years of work before I became pleased with it. I >use the Dr. Morton Cooper methods, which I >learned from one of his Master classes, and his >books, and from a voice coach, because he's $200 >per hour. I performed at the rank ammature level >in college. I am classically trained, and sang >lots of Oratorio and Leider. I would really like >to have become a performer and composer, and >actually took out considerable loans to build >something of a personal recording studio. But, >at the end of the day, I just didn't feel lucky. >I really think I was good, but I was struck one >day by the disillusioning thought that being >good wasn't going to be good enough. I didn't >feel I had connections, or any special edge, or >resources, or, frankly, just luck. I looked at >the potential of a bleak existence trying to >make music work, and decided to take a >different, more "conventional" path. Life had >different things in store, though, and now I >guess my path isn't so conventional. Instead of >being a starving artist, I'm a starving >nonprofit President. So, the life you lead >is the life I aspired to, and I congratulate you >for making it work. What I wouldn't give to be >able to play the harp. I do hope that I can >recondition my voice, and maybe use it to help >spread the message somehow, and maybe as a fund raiser. > >I also did quite a bit of dinner theatre as >well. That was not my favorite, but I enjoyed >the challenge of stage movement, coriography, >and learning how to move and carry myself in a >more natural engaging way. Movement is like >language, and I think there are many different >languages of movement. In Blindville, it would >be and is perfectly okay to speak/move blind, >but living in Sightedville, I have worked hard, >and it's taken many years, to learn to move >sighted. That isn't to say that I don't still >have a considerable blind accent, and always >will, but I think I am now finally "conversant" >in sighted movement, and work to help others to >learn this. This isn't to say either that I mind >having a blind accent. I don't mind that at all, >as long as it is understandable to sighted >sensibilities, which is where I try to >communicate. Of course, this requires some tools >of the trade, which include the cane and >discrete sonar signaling. When I was younger and >pretending to be sighted, and didn't use a cane, >I moved much less naturally, and much more >blindly. I didn't pretend to be sighted because >I disdained my own blindness. Quite the >contrary. But, I couldn't abide the dismissive >thoughts of others with respect to my blindness, >so I tried to hide. Now, the cane is just part >of my wordrobe, so to speak, and the click is >just part of my speech pattern. And, I feel more >comfortable with my movements than ever. > >Speaking of speech pattern, my accent, such as >it is, varies and undulates a bit depending on >where I've traveled. I can't help it. I used to >try to help it, but it takes more effort for me >to try to make it something, than just to let it >flow. I have visited the U.K. most, so there's >where it tends to hang, but even there, it >depends on the region I'm visiting. And, most >other European countries speak some form of >British English, so I'm exposed to it a lot. >They don't think I sound American; they think I >sound Canadian. Americans and Canadians have no >idea. Neither do I. I haven't traveled outside >the country for a while, so I suppose it's >fading, whatever it is. That said, my brother >and 9-year-old nephew spent the better part of >yesterday morning razzzing me about sounding funny. I suppose I do. > >Anyway, thank you so much for your heartfelt >thoughts and offers of support. It would be good at least to keep in touch. >Kind Regards, >Daniel